Stuttgart, Germany

Where I was confronted with gender roles and faced a fear

I left Luxembourg headed to Münich but I stopped in Stuttgart for two nights since it was on the way and because I needed to wait a couple days till my friend was available. My visit there didn’t start off great due to late buses and trains making me arrive in town an hour and half later than I should have, and then I walked the mile and a half to the hostel. The hostel was a major disappointment: bedding was extra so I just used my sleeping bag liner and my rain jacket; I was in a mixed bunk room with 7 guys; it was super hot and places in Europe don’t have AC.

The next day I had no plans other than to find a place to watch the US vs England World Cup game that night at 9. I stopped at a grocery store and went to a park where I stayed for hours. Then I walked toward town, to the main squares, where I waited for the game. I had another obnoxious encounter (like I did in Cologne) with a man sitting down next to me trying to get money from me. He wouldn’t leave me alone and when I would ignore him he would tap on my knee to get my attention, this went back and forth a few times. As women we’re taught to always be nice and polite to others so as I was conditioned I kept thinking that I didn’t want to speak up to make a scene or to make that person mad. But he wouldn’t leave me alone so eventually I told him to leave me alone and go away. He kept talking and I interrupted him and repeated to leave me alone and go away. He did. But after the fact I always think of better things to say or what I should have done. The fact that he touched me is not okay and not something that I should have allowed, twice. But it just shows that in the moment, we think it’s not a big deal, because as women we’re taught to not make a scene and to be nice. When in actuality, he should never have touched me; he would not have done that to a man, and it’s not okay. A little perspective shows what our gender roles and culture have taught us.

Later on I found a falafel place for dinner but really I just stopped to bid my time till the game started, but the food ended up being really great. I didn’t really know where to go to watch the game even after googling all day for watch parties and sports bars. Basically, soccer/futbol is really popular in Europe but still only when men play; women’s soccer is not. It was just really apparent and frustrating to me that if it was the men playing you would see places everywhere advertising the game. I passed one bar I had found in my online search but when I got there they didn’t have any TVs so I headed to the next one on the list, an Irish pub. Jackpot. They had a screen up playing the game and I joined the three others watching it. 3. Two of them women. They were all rooting for the US and I sat down at a table with an American woman who works at a base there in Stuttgart. Another woman joined us later and as the night progressed more and more people showed up. We all chatted and cheered, and I had a great time watching it with new acquaintances. …

[And I just want to mention that even though I feel comfortable traveling solo all around the world and backpacking solo in the wilderness, all things that have become fairly normal to me now, I still have things that I am not confident about or that puts me in an uncomfortable position. And one of those things is going to bars alone at night. I’ve always seen that as something I couldn’t do. Maybe not couldn’t, but something that is scary to me. Thinking about doing something like that makes me nervous and anxious. But over the years compiling solo experiences, I have become accustomed to doing most everything by myself and feel quite comfortable doing it. Some things that I’m sure most wouldn’t dare think of doing alone. It’s become second nature to me now. I don’t think twice about going on a solo backpacking trip, it’s such a common occurrence in my life now. That sometimes, well, all the time, I don’t even recognize that what I am doing may come across as daring or badass. And that’s not me tooting my own confident, loud horn. It just shows that we can all get to that point, it just comes from practice and doing it. And I would love to help in any way I can to help others get to that point too. But I digress. Maybe I’ll write more on this topic at a later time.]

So I had to get out of my comfort zone and push myself to go to that bar alone because I wanted to see the game that much. And I’m really glad I did because I had a great time watching the game and spending it with others.

The next day I checked out of the hostel and hung out at the park until it was time to leave town and go to Münich.

I’ll leave you with a short cultural anecdote: you know you’re in Germany when…you ask the grocery store clerk to open your bottled beer and you walk out the store drinking your beer. ..That’s something that I did there. …You can have an open container in Germany and you’ll see Germans everywhere drinking beer on the streets.